Butterflies and rainbows

Life isn't always perfect. I prefer to let the negativity go. Being uncomfortable creates growth. This last year has been full of so many ups and downs, wonderful surprises and love. I am grateful for all the beautiful people in my life. I am grateful that I'm being challenged to be a better me. It's not always easy. Usually what irritates me about others is really something that I find irritating about myself. Finding perfection in what is imperfect is what it really is about. Negativity be gone!!

Wait

I feel very sad and lonely. I wonder if I create these situations in my relationships. I feel like this is always a place I end up. What am I doing wrong? He sits in his room and plays video games. I sit in my room and screw around on the internet and watch tv. I feel like I give and try. All I want is affection. I don't care about your money. I don't care about going out. I just care about him. Maybe he's feeling depressed but he doesn't talk to me. I feel helpless, lost, dropped, broken. I'm so frustrated. I don't know where to begin or what to say. Maybe I'm allowing the drama of nothing to take over. Maybe I have too many expectations. I have work and school to fill my time, sometimes. I wait and wait. I try not to push too hard for fear of being pushed away. I slept on the floor of my room last week to avoid a confrontation. He never came after me. That is depressing. Life does not feel like love lately. I want to reach out to a friend to talk about my frustrations but I know I need to talk to him. Does he really want to hear what I have to say? Apparently he feels sick today. I feel like every time I want to talk this becomes his excuse. I should be more sympathetic to how he feels. But what about how I feel. I work 30 hours a week. I'm in school anywhere from 2 to 4 days a week. My time is limited. My sleep schedule is limited but he doesn't seem sympathetic to that. Supposedly he does everything around my schedule but there are times when he'll say 5 minutes and that turns into 45 minutes. I wait and wait.