meh

My ego is running wild today. My thoughts feel out of control. I fear judgement because I judge myself. I have been told not to worry. Yet I worry. Does not knowing make the situation okay? Will it come back to bite me in the ass later? I don't know. The I don't know part is the part that freaks me out. I thought I was okay with myself. I guess there is one part that I do judge kind of harshly. There are so many negative words associated with a female who's had more than a respectable amount of partners but what is respectable. I read this great book called the Ethical Slut. It speaks to open relationships, which personally I don't think I could do but if it works for you go for it. It also approaches issues such as boundaries, communication, and jealousy. One should never have a serious conversation with their person when inebriated. Nothing makes sense.
I do believe him when he says he doesn't care and he thought it was funny that he didn't know because we've been dating for 7 months. But in my state I did not take it as funny and I freaked the fuck out. Yet I realize now why I behaved the way I did. I don't want him to judge me because I judge me.
I've been going on and on about how great our communication skills are and yet I was afraid of this one fact. I love him and I don't want him to think any less of me. I'm still me. I'm still love.