epiphanies

Life has been rough lately. I'm short saling my house. I've got classes to finish at work so I don't lose my job. I know this is my last year teaching for awhile and it's freaking me out.
I have also been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and this is only my second longest mature relationship and I'm 28. I feel like I've got some major life changes coming up and it is extremely overwhelming. Actually I know the things are happening and it just seems so crazy.
I don't know where I am suppose to be as a 28 year old woman but here I am. I'm not married and I don't have kids. I don't want those things anymore. When I started teaching that was what I was building my life around. I was married, we were talking about having kids. Then I realized I was trying to be a person I am not. He was not the person I wanted anymore. Now I am doing things for myself. I am a fiercely independent person. I know I can deal with all that is going on in my life alone but I am dating a wonderful man. All he asks is that we share our lives together.
I think I've felt stressed over certain things lately because I haven't been sharing enough with my boyfriend. I don't want to push him away but I find myself doing that unconciously.
The reason I say epiphanies deals with the fact that I couldn't pinpoint why I was freaking out. I've been holding so much emotion in. Keeping a smiley face when I've just felt like screaming and crying. Yet my emotions bubble over at inappropriate times. Crying for the wrong reasons. Making my boyfriend worry. Blaming him for things that have nothing to do with him.
Sometimes I feel strain in our relationship but I realize every relationship experiences this. Before I would want to run. Now I know we can make it through. We will support and love each other. I think I also let my dad's negative words affect me more than I care to admit. As I've said before, I could care less if my boyfriend drove a BMW and had a high paying corporate job. Material things don't mean so much to me anymore.
Does my boyfriend love me for exactly who I am? Yes. Do I love him for who he is? Yes. That's all that really matters. We're gonna make this work because we can.
Life is ridiculous and amazing all at the same time. There is so much love out there. Be love.