Moving on

I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job moving on in my life. I've got a place lined up for the first of July. I'm getting a raise at my job. I'm gonna apply for my FAFSA as soon as I file my taxes as soon as they are done. I've got my friends. I've got my confidence in myself. I am okay.

So why is it so difficult for someone else to understand that they have to make those moves on their own. It is not my responsibility to hold your hand in this break up. I am not going to be able to help you move on. That's your responsibility. Once again a reason why I couldn't stay. You couldn't take responsibility for yourself. You want someone else to fix you. That's not my job anymore. I did it for far too long. If this makes me an awful person for coming to these conclusions, then I'm an awful person.

Sometimes you must love people from afar. I think this is one of those situations. I cannot be around you without you tearing(sp) up. You still want to be right all the time. It feels toxic to be around you. It only brings me down and I'm done being brought down.

I want uplifting supportive people in my life. People that add happiness not suck it from my very being. And now I can't even cry over the break up. I already cried. I'm all fucking cried out.

All I can do is love from afar today.

its

pretty annoying when you feel like you're not allowed to admit that you're happy because you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings. But damnit, I'm feeling happy. I hate that what happened hurt him but break-ups usually hurt. It wasn't easy for me but I felt like it was the best for both of us. I really just want to wish him the best and I hope we can eventually be friends. I appreciate all the love and support from all of our friends. It's crazy to think that its only been 2 and a half weeks since we broke up. We were together for 2 and a half years. My second longest adult relationship.

I feel like this time around being single, I'm in a much more mature and confident place as a person. Yeah, I might have dealt with the break-up kind of shitty but damn its awkward still living with someone when you're ready to move forward/on. I'm excited to move into a new place. I can't wait for school to begin. And holy crap, I'll be 30 in August! WTF!! I do not think that's old but its some weird milestone that people trump up. Whatever! I want to go go-cart racing or roller-skating! hahaha...so much more to come...loves

oh wow

So many changes to my life. A temporary place to live. I hope I can stay here until mid-June. Then I'm gonna move into a two bedroom apartment with a friend. She'll only be staying there a couple nights a week at first. So I'll basically be living on my own again. I'm looking forward to that. I've got cool roomies right now but it's kinda weird that they're mutual friends. I'm going back to school in the fall, some way some how! I must get my yoga teacher certification. That's what I want to do! So I'm going to do it. Moving forward...much love!

Well I'm drunk again. Hahaha! So I'm going to see Atmosphere in Tucson May 4th. So freaking excited! I need some fun in my life. So there!

I don't like days off any more...meh

I realize this is not the end of the world shit. It just feels like life was getting back on track...my insurance was going down again, we have another cheaper but nicer place to live, Trevor got a job and then this accident. I must remember it was an accident. But fuck...we can't afford this. It pains me to see my boyfriend in pain and not being able to wave a magic wand and make his teeth come back or for the accident to never have happened. Plus I'm going to have the image of him holding a t-shirt up to his mouth and blood streaking down both of his hands. His cries of pain and frustration about how he's fucked running through my mind while I'm trying to fall asleep. I have to keep remembering that it will get taken care of. His teeth will be fixed. His lip will heal. We are moving out of this crazy apartment complex into a house with a friend. Small victories. Love

Seriously universe!

disbelief, anger, frustration, sadness...this doesn't seem real. I know I'm not the one with a fucked up grill, stitches in my lip and no insurance but I still feel pain. I'm so overwhelmed with a billion emotions. mehhhh