No more breathalyzer tomorrow!

I don't know why I haven't written about this sooner but now that my year with the breathalyzer is coming to a close, I think I can.
April 17, 2008
It was like any other Thursday night at Starbucks. I was serving tasty drinks and pondering the possibility of Blunt Club. Probably not the best idea since I had to get up and teach in the morning. I decided not to go.
At the time I was seeing this dude and I called him on my break. Unfortunately for me his roomie answered the phone and I didn't realize this, at first. Our conversation basically went along the lines of a booty call for the evening but his voice sounded strange. Something in it threw me off. I asked if it was really him and he just giggled and said the guy I was trying to call had left his phone at home. Crap. I felt pretty embarassed at the time. Which is stupid to think about now in the scheme of things. Basically I used this silly moment to give me an excuse to go to the club.
I raced to the club after work and swore to myself that I would only have 2 drinks because I had to drive home to make it to work in the morning. I think I got to the club about midnight.
My new friend Misty met me just inside with a beer for her and one for me. This seemed like a great way to start the evening. We roamed around the club, talking to our respective friends, realizing we had a few in common and meeting new ones. There was this young man there who was flirting with me. A couple of my friends wanted me to make out with him. He even walked up to me at one point in the night and slapped my ass. I made him buy me a drink.
Okay, so 2 drinks turned into 4. Then I was kicking it with a new friend and we decided to solidify our new friendship with a shot. Plus she gave me the number for a taxi, so I could make the smart decision and NOT drink. Sweet! Then I met a new friend and told him that doing tequila shots with wheels(ie. lime and salt) was for whimps. I'm so cool. So drink 6 of the evening comences. Oh and these shots happened within the last half hour I was at the club.
Things get a little hazy after this. If you haven't been keeping up, I have now consumed 6 drinks in 2 hours. I'm a champ. Shortly after the 2nd shot(my 6th drink) I decided I needed to go home because I had to work in the morning. I don't remember this but my friend, Sean tried to grab me as I exited the club. Someone called his name and he turned around to see who. He said when he turned back around I was gone.
I do remember going to retrieve my vehicle from the valet. Another dude I know was working and pulled my car up, so I could peace out.
I pulled out of the parking lot onto the road, heading south towards home. I decided I needed to listen to my new cd. As I was struggling to get it out of the holder, I took my eyes off the road. Just seconds passed when I looked up and saw the red lights and stopped cars. I saw one open lane and figured that was my best bet but I couldn't stop soon enough.
I ran the red light and hit another vehicle going east. My car spun to the left, my right tire caught on the median and stopped. My airbag did not release but my seatbelt locked into place. My head snapped forward and hit the steering wheel. I sat up and tried turning my car on. It was a knee jerk reaction. I couldn't have driven away from that. A couple of guys approached my car and asked me if I was okay. Ha....fucking freaked out is a better way to describe how I was feeling. So many thoughts were racing through my mind. Was anyone hurt? Holy shit, I've been drinking. Oh my god I have to go to work in the morning.
The bystanders walked me to the curb. The police had already been called. I called my friends that I had been with that night, brother and sister. They said they'd be on their way as soon as they could. I cried. I called more people.
Thank god no one was hurt. The guy I hit just seemed stunned. I was too drunk to really get what was going on. I spoke to the police but I was too wasted to write anything down. My friend Misty did that for me. I thought I had to do the field sobriety test, which I found out later you can refuse. The police then breathalyzed me. At the time they did not tell me what my blood alcohol level was but they did proceed to arrest me for drunk driving. My heart broke. I quietly walked with them to the police cruiser. I cried quietly in the back while we drove to the station. I also managed to text with my hands handcuffed behind my back. I'm pretty flexible.
At the police station, no females were working that night. I had to pull my phone and car key out of the front of my jeans with my hands still handcuffed. I had to pee in a cold metal toilet in a cell.
After this the nice police officer led me to a bench that had a breathalyzer machine next to it and he handcuffed one of my wrists to it. He made me blow two more times before I could leave. My BAC was .149, just under the extreme limit. I felt humiliated in that place. How the hell could this be happening to me? There were moments when I felt like I couldn't breathe. At one point the police officer left me sitting on the bench. I played with the handcuff on my wrist and realized I could pull it halfway up my hand. I just thought it was funny. It wasn't like I'd run out of there. I was just messing around.
The cop caught me messing around and said he'd put the handcuffs on me tighter next time. Douche.
Finally paperwork and breathalyzing was done. I could go home. My friends Dusty and Misty came to pick me up. I had to wait for them in the back of the police cruiser, handcuffs much tighter this time. When they showed up, the cop let me out and took the handcuffs off. I was irritated with him for making them tighter, then he proceeds to say that he has to take my picture. I gave him an angry glare. My buddy Dusty said it was pretty funny. I kind of wish I had seen it now. Oh well.
Tomorrow the breathalyzer will be gone. I'll be able to get a new ID without the words 'interlock ignition' printed on it. I still have 6 years of the DUI being on my record. I can now say that I've spent 24 hours in jail. Although who really wants to add that to their list of accomplishments. I've never even gotten a speeding ticket. Now I have to pay almost double for insurance and I had to buy a new car. My beautiful Honda was totalled in the accident.
All in all it was a costly, humbling, humiliating experience. I couldn't have made it without the ridiculously amazing support of my family and friends. Those first few weeks after the accident, I was afraid to venture out of my home. I had to figure out ways to get to work. Sometimes I think God, if she exists, only gives you enough that you can handle. As I've said before the universe provides. I am super thankful no one was hurt in the accident. I know I'd be a mess right now. Even better than that, I know how strong I am.

yoga is my center

I haven't done yoga on my own in awhile. Feels so good. Stretchy and lean. Pigeon pose is one of my favorites, funny that its named after one of my least favorite birds. The actual sanskrit name is Eka Pada Rajakapotasana. Everyone and everything is love. Smile!

ramblings

I feel like writing. I feel like moving. I feel like going to the gym but I'm not sure that is actually going to happen. I'm worried bout my financial situation. I'm in love for the first time in 3 years. I am now a dog owner. Many things seem terrifying lately. Some are so beautiful I feel as if I'm floating. I met with my brother today to give him the barstools I picked up for my dad. My brother is taking them to my dad tomorrow. But anyways, my brother and I had a great conversation. We don't talk much but when we do it flows. He's such an easy person to get along with. I'm blessed to have him in my life. I haven't heard from my boyfriend today. Apparently we're going on a double date tonight, drinking...my goodness I've spent quite a bit of this summer drunk. Cheap and easy entertainment, for real! I start work next week. Not just going in when I feel like it. Waking up at an ungodly hour to be on time. Then coming home and passing out because I'm not use to being up so early, so it's going to be hard for me to fall asleep at an appropriate time. Plus my body will probably go into withdrawls because I won't be assaulting it with as much liquor as I've put into it this summer. My liver is probably damaged. I'd say 95% of my alcohol-fueled time this summer was awesome. Unfortunately I cry when wasted and at one point got very angry with my boyfriend. He still loves me! Score me! I'm just feeling slightly unfocused right now and I'm trying to find my balance again. Not working for ten weeks has been really weird but awesome. I'm glad I survived my summer without having to work at the coffee shop. The universe provides. Love and compassion.

I am so tired

I totally overdid it last night but I have less than two weeks before I have to go back to my normal job. This has been the summer of excess for sure. I've enjoyed every minute of it. I've learned more about myself as usual. I love being in love. My boyfriend is awesome! His friends have wholeheartedly accepted me into their group. I've maintained my other friendships as well as gaining new ones. Life is pretty damn pleasant.

meh

My ego is running wild today. My thoughts feel out of control. I fear judgement because I judge myself. I have been told not to worry. Yet I worry. Does not knowing make the situation okay? Will it come back to bite me in the ass later? I don't know. The I don't know part is the part that freaks me out. I thought I was okay with myself. I guess there is one part that I do judge kind of harshly. There are so many negative words associated with a female who's had more than a respectable amount of partners but what is respectable. I read this great book called the Ethical Slut. It speaks to open relationships, which personally I don't think I could do but if it works for you go for it. It also approaches issues such as boundaries, communication, and jealousy. One should never have a serious conversation with their person when inebriated. Nothing makes sense.
I do believe him when he says he doesn't care and he thought it was funny that he didn't know because we've been dating for 7 months. But in my state I did not take it as funny and I freaked the fuck out. Yet I realize now why I behaved the way I did. I don't want him to judge me because I judge me.
I've been going on and on about how great our communication skills are and yet I was afraid of this one fact. I love him and I don't want him to think any less of me. I'm still me. I'm still love.

expectations

oh this world and it's silly expectations. I made a teasing comment about responsibility the other night while in the company of my boyfriend and two of his roommates. The roommates both have 9-5 jobs and are fullfilling their spot in society. My boyfriend also has a job but some might judge and say it is not a worthy job. He's told old to have the kind of job he does but who cares. He's taking care of his bills and making money to have fun as well. My comment, now that I reflect on it, was insensitive to this. I rant about how society's expectations are stupid. We are suppose to graduate college, fall in love, get married, and have children. And only then have we fullfilled our place in this world. But why does that make you a successful person? I believe that a successful person is making themselves happy and giving love to everyone. For one we are all love and we are here in this world to be happy. Selfishly happy first because if we want to love others, we have to be able to love ourselves first. A car, a job, a home does not define who we are. We define ourselves by our attitudes and how we choose to love!

new month

This morning I woke up reflecting on how delightful it is to sleep till 10 and have a couple cups of coffee before my day starts. I've been teaching for 5 and a 1/2 years. For the most part I've absolutely loved it. I love working with children and every day is different. Unfortunately I am not a morning person and this job can be so emotionally exhausting. Last year was rough. Within the first three months I cried at least once or twice a week. It just reaffirmed my desire to find a different job after this school year. Yet what are my possibilities? I'm use to living a certain way. I'd have to get rid of my condo which I can barely afford right now. I want to get rid of it this second but I'm not in a situation where this is realistic. I'm hoping to put it up for sale in November. Then we shall see.
People ask me what I'm going to do after teaching. Where am I going to go? Honestly I have no idea. I'd like to write for a newspaper, magazine, myself. I'd like to go back to school. I had aspirations of being a fashion designer in high school but what I'd really love to do is work for a designer. Or work in marketing for a company I respected.
My boyfriend and I discussed moving in together after this school year, which is a pretty big deal to me. We even discussed moving to another state. Yet who knows what will happen in the next year...