reading my last post made me giggle. I'd actually forgotten that I wrote it! My computer is now hooked up to the internet in the cube (tiny bedroom upstairs shaped like...well a cube). Where would I be without the internet? There are so many fun things to check out here in my home without having to go anywhere. Actually that sounds kinda depressing but thats not what I meant. :)
I'm feeling pretty pleased lately. My boyfriend is a very satisfying person and we have recently found new ways to express our love. He is such a beautiful person and I trust him!
This spring break has been ridiculous. So much fun partying and officially moved out of my old place and into the new one. There is still some organizing to do but its rad.
The whole living with the boyfriend situation still makes me nervous but I'm trying to take it a day at a time. I'm trying to remember this is his first time living with someone and my second. I'm definitely not the expert. Communication is key. We have learned that time and time again, in positive ways.
The world is love!

here we go again!

So I'm sitting in my boyfriend's old room typing this but now we live upstairs. Yes we are now living together. A HUGE step for both of us. I haven't lived with anybody since my ex-husband (and yes folks I had a husband bout 3 and a half years ago...omg almost 4 years ago). My boyfriend has NEVER lived with anybody but his friends and random people. I feel like we are adjusting well. As I've mentioned before we have excellent communication skills. I don't mean to brag but we like to talk and we both listen, so things usually work out well.
I'm kinda tipsy as I write this but I'm pretty excited to be posting again! Plus I'm living with my favorite person. His friend is rad. I've known him as long as I've known my boyfriend. That's actually a funny story but I like to keep that to myself and the friends that know.
hmmmmmmmm....where was I going with this????? Life pretty much is fantasmic and things seem to be falling in to place. I did have to deal with my stupid wheel bearings earlier this week but whatevs cuz I got a deal and everything worked out okay.
Once again....let the peeps the matter most that you love them and just send out positive vibes to the world : *

Christmas miracles

Where to begin...this year has been amazing, fantastic, incredible, and sometimes sad. But I kept my head up and kept moving forward. There is an offer on my home. I feel optimistic that it will go through. My lovely boyfriend's cat was found 35 miles away from home. I've made friends who have become family. I'm smiling so big because I know that it is in my power to make myself happy. It's all in the choices we make. I could have run away from love a year ago because I was afraid of the consequences. Instead I faced those fears straight on and now I have a fantastic relationship with a person who supports and accepts me for who I am. I have found the love in my parents that I didn't always realize was there. I've loved when I felt like I should walk away. I've accepted my friends' happiness because that's what a good friend does. I think I felt like a person was being taken from me but now I believe in what she wants. I am happy for her. I will always be there for my friends. People surprise you.
I feel like I'm bursting with happiness right now and I want to share it with everyone. I expected nothing out of today and was given another reason to believe. This is honestly the first holiday season since I've been divorced that I have been truly happy to celebrate all the beauty of the relationships that I've developed since then. When I look back at that sad person 3 years ago, I congratulate her on getting through some very tough times. I held my head up and didn't make excuses for who I was, am. I have lived my life the way I want it to be and I will keep doing just that. This may seem vague to some just cause I'm not all that comfortable giving away all the details. :) But wow...I've made so many great choices and learned so many awesome lessons. I am seriously thankful for all the wonderful people who've supported me in the last 3 and a half years. I've been allowed to be me.
We should all be ourselves and that is ultimately love. I love you.

epiphanies

Life has been rough lately. I'm short saling my house. I've got classes to finish at work so I don't lose my job. I know this is my last year teaching for awhile and it's freaking me out.
I have also been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and this is only my second longest mature relationship and I'm 28. I feel like I've got some major life changes coming up and it is extremely overwhelming. Actually I know the things are happening and it just seems so crazy.
I don't know where I am suppose to be as a 28 year old woman but here I am. I'm not married and I don't have kids. I don't want those things anymore. When I started teaching that was what I was building my life around. I was married, we were talking about having kids. Then I realized I was trying to be a person I am not. He was not the person I wanted anymore. Now I am doing things for myself. I am a fiercely independent person. I know I can deal with all that is going on in my life alone but I am dating a wonderful man. All he asks is that we share our lives together.
I think I've felt stressed over certain things lately because I haven't been sharing enough with my boyfriend. I don't want to push him away but I find myself doing that unconciously.
The reason I say epiphanies deals with the fact that I couldn't pinpoint why I was freaking out. I've been holding so much emotion in. Keeping a smiley face when I've just felt like screaming and crying. Yet my emotions bubble over at inappropriate times. Crying for the wrong reasons. Making my boyfriend worry. Blaming him for things that have nothing to do with him.
Sometimes I feel strain in our relationship but I realize every relationship experiences this. Before I would want to run. Now I know we can make it through. We will support and love each other. I think I also let my dad's negative words affect me more than I care to admit. As I've said before, I could care less if my boyfriend drove a BMW and had a high paying corporate job. Material things don't mean so much to me anymore.
Does my boyfriend love me for exactly who I am? Yes. Do I love him for who he is? Yes. That's all that really matters. We're gonna make this work because we can.
Life is ridiculous and amazing all at the same time. There is so much love out there. Be love.

annoyed annoyed annoyed....ugh...its not really anybody's fault. I just have to be responsible and I cannot go out and have fun with the people I would like to. I have to be responsible and clean up my home so I can sell it. It will also help with not feeling so damn overwhelmed. Yet at the same time I'm irritated because I don't get to do what I want and other things that are making me irritable that I don't want to share. I don't want to share because I don't feel as though I can be articulate about what I'm feeling. I'm not sure that it is rational so I'd be kind of embarrassed if I misinterpreted something. Whatever...I'll be fine tomorrow. love you

Where do you want to be in ten years?

My dad presented me with this question tonight. Like if I don't know where I want to be when I'm 38, I'm a failure. That's how it felt. I only know I'd like to move out of Arizona. I want to pursue a different career. I love teaching but I want to try something else. I've made some serious mistakes with my home in the last 3 months and now I'm dealing with the pressure. It's shitty. I'm happy to have my friends and boyfriend around to support me. My dad doesn't like my boyfriend. Actually my dad believes I could do better. What would be better? If I'm happy now with my boyfriend, why would I break up with him to see if the grass is greener? I don't want to break up with him. I hate that my dad brought this up. I think it makes me angry or hurts my soul because I feel like I've made a good choice in a boyfriend. I feel like I've finally got it right and now my dad is telling me I haven't. I love that my boyfriend doesn't know exactly what he wants to do because neither do I. I feel like we'll find that out together. Is that me being seriously naive? I don't know. I'm living this life. I'm learning. I'm believing in love. I know love does not conquer all but it does help you move forward. I'm never going to make my parents one hundred percent proud of me. They will probably disagree with some of my decisions. That's inevitable. I need to accept this. I wish Jess was here. She is my soundboard for things like this. Misty helps. She is busy tonight. So blog I have you. I love me. I make decisions for me. I am proud of me.

I went to the override meeting at my school tonight and heard some of the dumbest stuff. I'm not usually one to criticize. I love to preach love but when a parent says, "Can the school district wean itself off the 35 million dollars provided by the override?"...I'm shocked. Really?? Yeah, lets cut teacher's jobs, school supplies, and close schools because we don't have the staff to run them. That seems logical! Arizona is ranked as the 50th state in spending per student. That's as low as we can go. So yeah lets cut more money from the budget and provide our students with a quality education. Sounds awesome.

Honestly I hope this person is at least a little more knowledgable bout how an override works after tonight and does not make that suggestion again. This is why we need to educate people.